Wednesday, July 23, 2014

SINGLENESS, RELATIONSHIP, MARRIAGE and....................yes, SEX

You have to learn how to be single (relationship with oneself) first, before you try to enter into relationship with another person. So singleness must precede relationship. But the bitter truth is that some people have never been single.
They regularly change from one boyfriend/girlfriend to another.

There are so many relationships. Relationship with our parents, relationship with our teachers, relationship with the public, etc. But these are non romantic relationships
As soon as we are matured and we are able to do without a girlfriend or boyfriend or simply able to avoid sexual intercourse, such a person can be classified as a single.
So unless you are matured, you can not be regarded as a single.
Single means, to be separate, unique and whole

In order to be in romantic relationship, you need to pass through the single stage (to be matured and live without sex).
But as I have said earlier, some people have never been single, they started having sexual intercourse as soon as they were matured, and they moved from one girl/boy to another or simply get stuck with a girl or boy

During your single life stage, you are expected to learn so many things especially learning relationship with oneself.
You need to know how to relate with yourself by yourself. And you learn this during your single life stage.
It will be too late to learn all that during relationship or in marriage.
If you hate your legs, hate your face, hate your stature, e.t.c, how on earth do you want someone else to like them.

Your single life may be short or long, it depends on how long God provide you with partner and how soon you gain enough knowledge.
You are not ready to get married when you find the right person, but you are ready when you have the right knowledge
Proverb 24:3-4 says, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; By knowledge the rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

How will God provide you with a partner?

The bible says in mattew 6:33 that “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and these things shall be added unto you”
This should be a watchword for you during your single life stage.

During your single life, you must be busy with something, its either you are busy in school (inception of your single life) or you are busy with a job (late period of your single life).
You must not be busy looking for who to get married to.
Infact, people that are busy looking for who to get in relationship with or to get married to are dangerous, you need to run from them.
When you are busy with your work, God will now interrupt you with a partner as your wife or your husband.
In the beginning in the Bible when God created Adam, Adam was busy working in the garden before God had to interrupt him by providing him a wife.
God said its not good for this man (a man that is busy with his work) to be alone let's create him an help meet. Then God created eve.
At this stage, you have entered the relationship stage.

As soon as God has showed you a partner, you have entered into a RELATIONSHIP stage. Then you will begin to learn about yourselves. You start grooming and nurturing yourselves at this stage too
But it should be noted that you have not been blessed.
So it is advisable that you don't indulge in sexual intercourse at this stage

The moment you are blessed at the alter is the beginning of marriage.
Thus wedding marks marriage ceremonially and sex marks it divinely.
So wedding should precede sex to have a perfect marriage.
Marriage makes the wife to be joined to the husband and the husband joined to the wife, so the two have become one. As it is written in the bible in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”

There are three reasons why we get married;
1. To get off our lustily desire: Apostle paul said in the bible precisely 1 corithians 7:9 that

“...for it is better to marry than to burn with passion”
This justify sexual intercourse for fun in marriage

2. For Procreation (conceiving and bearing offspring): In the beginning, God said that humanity, through Adam and Eve should be fruitful and multiply. He said this is Gen 1:28

“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it...”

This is one of the verses that justify marriage through wedlock and sex. “And God blessed them...” means couples should be blessed (going to the alter), “Be fruitful and multiply...” means, producing children through sex. This justify sexual intercourse for procreation in marriage.
And as 'blessing' precedes 'fruitful and multiply' in the bible, so as wedding should precede sex in the actual world

3. For companionship and help meet:
In Bible in Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said its not good for this man to be alone let's create him an help meet
Out of the three reasons, this is the only one where sex is not required to fulfill its purpose

A perfect or near perfect union is expected to go through these stages one after the other. Singleness, relationship and marriage


A single life is not a state to be run away from, rather it is a state that one should aspire to become.
As I earlier stated, single life is a life merely devoid of sex as a matured person
As a married person, you should be flexible. What I mean by being flexible is, you should be able to constantly move from being married to being single, and vice versa
This means that you should be able to live with sex and at the same time live without sex as the condition may arises

Even bible says in 1 corithians 7:29 that

"...both they that have wives be as though they had none"

You hear some married people saying, “I can't stay without sex oh, if my husband/wife is not around for a long time, I will find someone to hook up with”

This is adultery and its wrong, its a sin!

Any couple should be able to hold themselves regardless whether they are together or not, whether for long time or short time

This has explained the relationship between singleness and marriage

So singleness is a state we should aspire to be and not a state will should run away from but the society has made it look like a state we should run away from

If you don't link your single life with your married life, you will be easily pushed into adultery

Author: Aladegorioye Adesola

Twitter: @insights9792

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